But now that the moment was actually here, I actually felt weak in the knees. Ever since that "Yes!", I had felt invincible, like nothing in the world could stop me. Now, however, I suddenly began worrying that all this was too good to be true, that I was deluding myself, that somehow everyone had colluded to play a giant prank on me and I was the only one who wasn't aware. Or maybe it was all just a dream? Basically, I couldn't believe that I had ever managed to get someone as beautiful as the woman in white now walking down the aisle towards me to ever love me.As she drew closer, the feeling of dread grew. Why was she so immaculate? Why was she so clean? There was not a spot on her, not a single fleck of semen, not a hair out of place -- at least, as far as I could tell, since her head was hidden under a shroud. A fucking shroud?? What was this, the sixteenth century? Who wears a shroud to a wedding? And why was no-one getting up to use her? Why was she allowed to walk towards the. But neither felt right talking to the other while staring out the window, and focusing on the center of the table — well, any motion on the other’s part drew attention, and that drew the focus to the other’s body, and that just brought up the doubts and indecisions (and sweet memories) by a different path. Lew Bicking was thinking of how sweet Naomi’s smile was, and remembering another satisfied smile she sometimes had — no, always had — as she lay in his arms and his bed in the afterglow of coitus. He thought of how her voice sounded last Sunday when he spoke to her and invited her to his new apartment. And thinking of her smile and her voice made him glance at her mouth, and think therefore of how she kissed him when they met today, and how her kisses had been years ago — much better, because those kisses were not in public on the street, and often led to better things. He thought also ofhow Naomi used her mouth in another way and on another part of him than his lips, and how that.
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